I’m so excited to announce that FRIENDS AND LIARS will come out in the UK on June 1 of this year! Check out the cover:
What do you think?
For US fans, the title is slightly different: FRIENDS AND OTHER LIARS, and that will come out in February of 2017. The cover will be completely different, so I’ll make sure to post that once I have it!
For every career, there are stereotypes. Engineers are nerdy; administrative assistants are dumb. Doctors have God complexes and lawyers have no soul. IT guys never get laid, but actors are whores. I’m not saying that these stereotypes don’t exist for a reason, but that doesn’t mean if you don’t fit into them, that you are necessarily the exception to a hard and fast rule. Sometimes it just means the stereotypes are bullshit.
Similarly, there are a lot of misconceptions around what it means to be a writer or any type of creative person. Some of them are so scary that I actually delayed going down the writing path because I believed them. So I thought I would take some time today to dispel some of myths about what it means to be a writer/artist/creative.
I think the number one stereotype about writers and artists is that we are all dark and brooding. We’re pictured as people dressed all in black, with dark hair and makeup and hipster glasses, and for some reason berets atop our heads (so, I guess we are all also French? Whoops, see that’s another stereotype!)
There’s the misconception that we are all crazy. I can’t say that’s entirely untrue for me, as I have struggled with depression and anxiety issues for much of my life, but that doesn’t mean the lot of us are plagued with mental illness. Artists like ‘ole one-eared Vinny Van Gogh and drunkedy drunk drunk Hemingway don’t help with that perception. There have been studies that there are higher incidents of mental illness in creative people (something about chemicals and side-of-the-brain dominance, I think), but that doesn’t mean we’re all a bunch of non-functioning loons who sit in the dark smoking and awaiting the muse.
True, great art can be created from pain. Some artists say they have to go into a dark place to create, and most creative work gets its grit and authenticity from experience. But does that mean you have to be batshit to write something that moves people? That you have to be miserable and live in darkness? Of course not! Even if you are writing or working on some heavy subject matter, you learn to go into that place while you’re working and then the word count is hit or the dryer buzzer goes off and you snap right back into being a normal human being who has a fair variety of color in their closet, thank you very much.
This ties into my first point. While some great art comes from artists who channel painful experience into their work, don’t think you have to have gone through some horrific tragedy in order to have something to say. I actually put off writing my first book for a while, well, for many reasons, most of them having to do with fear, but partly because I felt that because I had lived a pretty charmed life I didn’t have anything of value to contribute. Please, writers and artists, hear this: if you want to write or create, write or create. You don’t have to have lost a parent or sibling or lover; you don’t have to have been maimed or kidnapped or tortured. We all have experiences we can use in our art, and if you’re writing fiction, what you really need is the ability to empathize with those who have endured tragedy.
Just because we sit behind a computer or writing pad all day doesn’t mean we don’t like to be around people. I have been to many writer’s workshops and conferences and just like anywhere, there are a mix of introverts and extroverts and everything in between. (Example of in between: everyone thinks of me as an extrovert because I am loud and crave social time, but I get total social anxiety before events like writers workshops. It’s not until I’m there that my sunny side reveals itself. I recently realized this makes me an extroverted introvert). Sure, there are probably writers that lack any semblance of social skills and do their best to isolate. But most of the writers I know are warm and friendly and have no trouble plopping themselves down next to a stranger at a workshop and carrying on a conversation. Some are even really good at promoting themselves and their work in person rather than behind the Twitter machine.
A lot of people assume that our brains are too cluttered with artistic ideas and grand conceptualizations that we don’t have the space to worry about things like keeping a tidy house or getting the bills paid on time. Undoubtedly, some of us who are like that. They say artists are more right-brained (intuitive, thoughtful, and subjective) vs. left-brained (logical, analytical, and objective).
Maybe I’m a mutant, but I am a fierce Type A. I thrive on routine, I get high off new organizational systems, I’m always the planner of projects and events, and I frickin’ LOVE spreadsheets. (I just went through a content edit of my manuscript and my editor teased me for sending her not just a spreadsheet outlining the changes I would make to each chapter but also two tables within the body of the email to explain different options for incorporating her feedback). I also love to balance my checkbook. These are not activities generally attributed to creative types, but I can’t be the only hyper-organized writer in the world.
Can I?
For a long time, I thought if I wanted to be a true writer I would have to be poor. That I would have to have no job and live in a hostel and eat beans out of cans. That in order to be a writer, I had to devote myself so completely to “the craft” that I could not possibly allow the desire for material things and, you know, electricity, to get in my way.
Ha.
Listen, guys: if you manage to go this route, good for you. But I myself like to have a roof over my head (that my parents don’t own), nutritious food on the table, and the ability to keep myself warm under said roof during the long, cold Vermont winter. I also want to go out to dinner now and then, go on a vacation at least once a year, and be able to buy a new sweater or get a massage every now and then. All of that takes money and that means I need a JOB. That’s not to say I haven’t made compromises. I tried the marketing and copywriting route, which could have earned me a lot more by now, but I hated it so much that it drained me of any desire to write. So I’ve stuck with being an Executive Assistant because I know I will have the time and the creative energy left at the end of the day. The trick is to find a balance.
I once questioned whether I was a real writer because I wasn’t frequently “inspired” to write. I mean, I’ve always written a journal entry when the feeling strikes, but when it came to actually writing my first novel, page after page after page, I found it much easier to flip on a rerun of Golden Girls at the end of a work day than I did to open my computer again. There’s an image of writers and artists being in the middle of something and just having to stop what they’re doing so they can get a poem or sketch on paper, and then they get so obsessed with it that they don’t emerge for days and weeks until the work is complete.
Yeah, okay.
I guess that could happen. If I didn’t have physiological needs like food and water and exercise and sex and sleep. Or if I didn’t need to go to work and meetings and appointments and clean the house and shop for groceries and find a plumber to fix our leaky tub. You get the point. Life is busy, and the world is full of so many distractions it’s a wonder we ever get anything done. Most of us have to create a schedule and make ourselves write during that time. It’s not as sexy as the artist who locks themselves in a room and emerges a week later with a masterpiece and a wild-eyed satisfaction, but it’s the reality of writing.
I’m sure I’m missing some here. Anyone else have any stereotypes they are always fighting against?
My last two posts (here and here) talked about what to expect when you’re “out on submission.” Here’s what happens after you accept an offer (congrats by the way).
Okay, so you pick an editor and terms are agreed and you’re SO excited that you can hardly stand it because YOU’RE GOING TO BE A PUBLISHED AUTHOR!!!
Eeeeeee!
At this point it’s okay to tell your close friends and family, but resist the urge to shout it at every stranger who passes you by. And don’t say anything on social media yet. Stuff sometimes falls through, and publishers and agents have their own guidelines for announcing sales. Talk with your agent about this.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate! I met another writer for drinks after I got an offer but hadn’t yet signed a contract, so I didn’t tell her that the deal had closed (I probably could have, but I was being extra cautious), and she said how in the entire process of writing and getting published, she was never really sure when the “pop the cork” moment was, and I see what she means now. Your agent, editor, etc. are never going to tell you – Okay, this is when you freak out and dance and skip and squeal. You will expect to feel this moment when you’re sure, and it will never come, and it will take so long between getting an offer and actually announcing it that the rush will have faded. So YOU have to be the one to decide when to celebrate. For me, I celebrated when I got my agent, when I agreed to the book deal, and when I signed my contract, and I’m sure there will be many more celebrations along the way. I say celebrate as much as you can, in whatever way feels great for you, because this is not an easy process and not everyone can do it.
And then hold on to those celebratory feelings, because now they’re going to put together the contract, and it will be at the very least weeks but in all likelihood MONTHS before you see it.
When you get your contract, again have your agent explain anything you don’t understand. This is more extensive than just how much you’re getting paid for what. It has to do with some serious legal stuff that you should understand, like what happens if you don’t end up wanting to publish the finished product, what they are and are not allowed to change without your consent, what happens if (God forbid) your book doesn’t sell, and whether or not they have First Look rights for your next project.
Contracts are pretty standard and as a debut author you don’t have much negotiating power, but discuss anything that makes you feel uncomfortable with your agent. Your agent or the agency lawyer know the language of Legalese extremely well, and if they might pick up on some stuff that you don’t. In that case, they’ll probably go back and forth with the publishing house’s lawyer. This is normal but time consuming.
The pub date is not part of the contract. For some people this is known before you sign the contract but I didn’t know until much later.
While you wait for the contract, you’ll also be asked to do some boring tax stuff and provide biographical information about yourself. Ask your agent and their team for help on things you don’t understand, as they’re quite familiar with all this.
Again, I’m a huge advocate of celebrating at every step in this process that moves you closer to that book being out on the shelf. There’s always going to be something else that you’re waiting for, and it’s never going to feel quite real, so just celebrate everything. This is not something that everyone in the world can and will experience, so be grateful for it!
Me signing my contract. In my pajamas. With champagne. Don’t judge.
Even though you’ve signed your contract, still wait for the okay from your agent/editor to announce it to the world (social media). You’ve already told the people closest to you, because even people who have never done this before suspect that if your agent hasn’t sold your book like eight months after you’ve signed with her, it’s probably not going to sell, and you don’t want them to think you’re a loser. Expand your circle a little bit but don’t do a whole social media blitz about it until you’re given the okay. Normally you’ll be waiting on the actual publication date so you can include all the facts, and they will want to time it so it appears in Publisher’s Marketplace around the same time.
At this point you’ll probably be waiting a bit for a formalized editorial letter for changes you will have to make (again, not copyediting, that comes after). Refer back to the last post, where I sermonize about the importance of working on your next book during this period of waiting. It’s literally the only thing that will keep you sane.
Finally you get the okay – tell everyone you know and everyone you meet and everyone that scoffed when you told them you wanted to be a published author that you’re going to be published!!! Congrats to you!
Last week I started to tell you about what to expect in the magical and terrifying time between signing with an agent and (hopefully) selling your book. Read Part 1 here.
So we left off on a climax – your book is out on submission with editors! A carefully curated list of editors that are sure to love your book! It’s so exciting, right?
Sure. It also makes you want to vomit and cry and eat a lot.
Steph told me she would probably have news in the first two weeks. In my mind, I doubled that. I’ve learned this is a good formula for anything publishing related. Any timeline you’re given, double or triple it and don’t expect anything until that deadline passes. (Except when you’re given deadlines. Follow those.) I am really saying that without even a hint of sarcasm or bitterness. Everything takes much longer than you would expect and/or what you are told and it’s better to just figure that into your mental calculations so you don’t go crazy. It’s a lot easier if you just accept it instead of spending your time railing against the unfairness of it all.
Luckily, I was “out on submission” two months before my wedding, so between that and working on my second book, I was actually able to pretend it wasn’t happening. If you only listen to one thing I’m saying in this entire post, let it be this: Work on something else while you’re out on submission. You’ve heard it a million times – you should be working on your next book as you query agents, and the same goes for when you’re out on submission, and all the times after you sell the book when you have down time (i.e., you’re not actively editing the book that’s coming out first). There’s a reason you’ve heard this a million times, so don’t discard this advice. You may think you couldn’t possibly concentrate on something else, but you can, and you should. You need to focus on your next project to tamp down all that “What if it doesn’t sell?” anxiety. Writing another book proves that all your eggs don’t rest in one basket, it shows agents and editors that you aren’t just a one-hit wonder, and it will stop you from checking your email 100 times an hour.Worst case: your book doesn’t sell, but then hey, you’re already working on your next so that will cushion the blow. Best case: your book sells and you still have something in the works way before all those deadlines start looming over your head and all the pressure kicks in.
Okay, sermon over.
After about three weeks my agent told me she had a couple nibbles but many passes as well, and that she had extended her search to more editors to give me a better chance. Me, being me, took this as a sign that no one was going to buy it, so I asked her not to inform me of anything (unless there was an offer) until after the wedding, which was five weeks away at that point. I didn’t want such an important day in my life to be sullied by the disappointment that my dream was not coming true. And then I went back to pretending it wasn’t happening.
Literally the day after my wedding, I got an email from Steph that with an offer from Corvus. I was still in the wedding haze and confused about what it meant to have a UK offer and not a US one, so I didn’t really know what to make of it. When I returned from my honeymoon, Steph and I talked on the phone and slowly I realized that someone was actually going to pay me money to print my book and sell it in stores, and I started to get excited. I was still a little freaked that we hadn’t gotten a US offer – after all, isn’t part of the fun of publishing the idea of walking into a store and seeing your book on display? And if my book was only going to be published in the UK, well, there’s just a much smaller chance of that happening.
Almost two months later, I got the US offer from Sourcebooks Landmark, and then the tears came, just like when Steph said she wanted to represent me. All the feels.
Once you get an offer they send the terms of the deal to your agent, who passes it along to you. This is different than a contract. The contract comes (much) later. You should just go ahead and schedule a call with your agent for them to walk you through what all this means. You’re going to need it. Looking back at it, even though Steph so patiently and thoroughly explained every term to me, I still don’t remember everything. So take notes. The offer will include, of course, the terms of your advance – how much and what the milestones are for your installments. Mine were different for the two different deals – for Sourcebooks I receive 50% after signing the contract and 50% after turning in the final draft. For Corvus it was broken into thirds – 1/3 at signing, 1/3 after turning in final draft, and 1/3 upon publication.
The deal will also have your royalty percentage on all different kinds of things beyond just the book sales (you have no idea how many different rates there will be depending on if it’s hard cover, paperback, trade, discount, audio, etc.) It can be pretty hard to keep straight.
You should talk to your agent about the publishing house and the specific editor(s) you’ll be working with. There is a reason your agent sent your work to that person, and she will already either have a relationship with her or at least more detailed knowledge about their experience and working style than you could find yourself on the internet.
This works differently for everyone, but there should also be some discussion before accepting your offer about what changes the editor wants to make. If it’s important to you to have a phone call with the editor before accepting, ask for that. I corresponded all through email and felt fine with some of the proposals for changes to the book, so I didn’t ask for this. I could tell just by her suggestions that she “got” the book and my style so I felt very comfortable saying yes. If you have multiple offers (good for you, btw, this is a pretty sweet posish), a phone conversation to see which one you clique with better is a good way of determining which you want to work with. Don’t let it be all about money. You have to work with this person on what is no less than a piece of your heart. That sounds cheesy, but come on – you’ve poured yourself into this work and it isn’t just coming from your brain.
7) ACCEPT YOUR OFFER AND CELEBRATE!
I’ll talk more about what happens next in my next post. Stay tuned!
Two weeks ago I announced to you all that I signed a deal with Sourcebooks Landmark as well as selling UK rights to Corvus/Atlantic, and that was a really big fucking deal, pardon my french. So I thought today I would tell you a little bit about the process that happens between getting an agent and getting a book deal (SPOILER ALERT: it’s not a sure thing, and it takes time).
Getting an agent is not easy. See here and here where I show my work. So the first step between getting an agent and getting a book deal is to CELEBRATE that someone with actual industry knowledge and experience and connections thinks your book is worth reading, let alone worth his/her efforts to try to sell. (Note: agents work on commission. They don’t take on charity cases).
Maybe your book is so perfect and shiny and polished that you won’t have any work to do before submitting. If so, raise your hand and I will come to your house and pat you on the back before I punch you in the face.
Just kidding.
I’m guessing that for 100% of authors, at least a final polish won’t hurt before having editor eyes on it. In my case, my agent read my manuscript a second time and gave me a short list of editorial notes to trim down sections where the pacing was slow, clean up areas that might be confusing to readers (since they’re not living inside my head) or where I spelled out TOO much for the readers, etc. She didn’t worry about doing a copy edit as I had already been pretty thorough about that in the eight drafts it went through prior to Stephanie even reading it. Your agent might be different, but if your MS is chock full of spelling errors and atrocious grammar, chances are you haven’t made it this far.
You should feel comfortable enough to push back on changes you don’t feel are right for the story, but remember you are just starting a relationship with your agent so be professional and respectful and try to keep emotions out of it. Your agent, like you, loves your book and wants it to be successful. And they know more than you, so you should probably just listen to them. Truth.
A note here elaborating on relationship: Always remember that this is a business relationship. He/she is not your boss (in fact since they are taking a commission on selling your work, technically it is the other way around), but remember that they have the choice to work with you or not. They are not your assistant, your mother, your spouse, or your best friend. If you are really struggling with something writing related talk to them, but they don’t need to hear about every problem you have in life. Try not to whine.
We also brainstormed new titles. (Spoiler: You’ll probably have to change your title, no matter how much you/your friends/your family loves it). Often once it gets to an editor it gets changed again, but make sure you can live with whatever you submit it as, because if the editor does really like it that’s what it will probably end up being.
Stephanie developed a list on her own (because really, what input would I have about what editors I wanted to work with beyond “Derrrh…any of them?”) There were about 10 or so editors on the list from all different houses – from large to mid-level – many of which she has worked with or networked with before so she knows their interests and already has positive relationships with them. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before because I haven’t wanted to seem braggy, but my agent also represents Gillian Flynn, (yes, the author of mega-hit Gone Girl). So I think it’s safe to assume that editors trust her taste. If your agent is a little bit more green, you may want to do a bunch of research on your own about what you think will be a good fit.
We had a quick discussion about what name to submit under because I was engaged at the time and planning on publishing under my married name because I liked the sound of it better. We ended up submitting under Kaela Coble to keep it neater (even though I had a mini superstitious freak out about it). So this is the time to discuss a pen name with your agent if you plan on using one.
At this point you should also discuss with your agent how often you want to be updated. Some people want to know every single comment that passes between editor and agent, including the rejections. I know that this would stress me out to no end, so I opted to trust Steph to update me “as meaningful feedback came in.” Meaning, I didn’t want to know about individual rejections, or even a “Sounds great, I’ll be reading it soon.” If someone was really expressing interest and/or if every agent rejected, then I would want to know. I highly recommend this approach unless you are the most laidback person in the universe, because being informed of every response sounds like too much of a rollercoaster to me.
My agent worked with copy from my query letter to prepare her pitch to the editors and then sent that off to the list with my full manuscript. The days of “first five pages” and “first three chapters only” are behind you at this point – at least for now.
So now your MS is out in the world – congratulations, and I’m sorry.
Note: I just realized how very long this post is, so I’m splitting it into two. Stayed tuned for Part 2 next week!
I am so excited to announce that I have officially signed a publishing deal with Sourcebooks Landmark! I am fortunate to be working with Shana Drehs, Landmark’s Editorial Director. A February 2018 publication is planned.
Rights have also been sold in the UK to the Corvus imprint of Atlantic Books, and I have been working with their editorial director, Sara O’Keefe.
I am one lucky girl to have such an amazing editorial team championing this book. Thank you Shana and Sara for taking a chance on this debut author!
I also want to take a minute to thank my agent, Stephanie Kip Rostan of Levine Greenberg Rostan Literary Agency. From the first moment we spoke I knew I was in the right hands. She’s remained calm, cool, and collected in the face of my breathless “Ohmygodwhatifthisandwhatifthatandwhatdoesthismeanand…” You get the point, I’m like an anxious puppy. When I talk to her on the phone, I still kind of can’t believe I’m talking to a real agent, let alone that she’s my agent, and yet she just sold this book like it ain’t no thang.
Beyond Steph, I want to thank everyone who’s stuck with me as I audaciously pursued this dream — my family, my husband, my friends, my beta readers. You cheered me on in the moments when I didn’t think this would happen, and I am forever grateful. It’s been a long road getting here, but so worth it.
Here’s a little bit about Friends and Other Liars:
28-year old Ruby’s hands shake just thinking about returning to Chatwick, Vermont. It’s been ten years since she’s been home, and she tells herself the solitary life she’s built in New York City suits her just fine—at least well enough to avoid slicing open the scars left by her first love, Murphy, or her bipolar, recovering alcoholic mother. But when one of her estranged childhood friends commits suicide and another compels her to attend the funeral, guilt draws her right back into the tumultuous world she escaped from a decade ago.
Her plan—to hightail it out of town the minute the last rose hits Danny’s coffin—is delayed when her former friends are called together for a reading of Danny’s last words. Their hopes to gain some sense of closure are quickly dashed when the note drips with bitterness, accusing them of abandoning both him and the promise they once made to always love and trust each other. As punishment, they are each handed an envelope containing their darkest secret and told they can either reveal them to each other or keep quiet, risking the secrets coming out publicly in a trap Danny left behind.
As the secrets begin to trickle out, Ruby struggles between the pull to reconnect with the friends who once meant so much to her—and rekindle what she once had with Murphy—and the desperate need to keep the secret she left them all behind for.
Sounds good, right? You’ll buy it, right? RIGHT? 🙂
I’m learning that the publishing world moves at a glacial pace, so in the moments I’m not furiously editing this novel to prepare it for publication, or working on my next book, or the book after that, I plan to post about the highs and lows of the publication process from a debut author’s prospective. Any questions you have, send them my way! I’d love to address them in a post.
One of the questions people ask me when I shout humbly tell them the good news that I’ve just signed with a literary agent is:
How many times were you rejected?
I LOVE LOVE LOVE this question. Seriously, I’m not being sarcastic. Because not long after I signed with my agent, I actually sat down and went through emails, spreadsheets, and query tracker and figured out just how many rejections I did receive. It’s kind of complicated, because this is the second book I’ve queried. Because not all rejections were as dramatic as non-writers may think. A lot were just non-responses. And because with my first book, after I did a major overhaul I queried some of the same agents twice (to no success).
So I’ve broken it down below:
First Book: The Road Unraveled
First Query: June 14, 2012
Last Query: June 23, 2014
Total Query Length: 2 years (this doesn’t include time off I took to revise. Several months in this two year span were spent on revision)
Responded with Rejection from Query: 71
Closed – No Response: 39
Partial Requests (later rejected): 4
Full Requests (later rejected): 3
Total TRU Rejections: 117
There are a lot more rejections for this one because, as I mentioned, I submitted to some of the same agents more than once. Still got a “nah.”
Second Book: Less to Carry
Pitched at conference (a wee bit before it was ready for querying): July 19, 2014
First Query: October 13, 2014
Last Query: September 1, 2015
Total Query Length: 1 year, 1 month
Rejections from Query: 34
Closed – No Response: 27
Partial Requests (later rejected): 4
Full Requests (later rejected): 5
No Response after a Full Request (yeah, that happened. Fun.): 1
Revise and Resubmit: 1
Total LTC Rejections: 72
Combined Total Rejections for Both Books: 189
Offers of Representation: 1
And that’s all I needed!
(Hidden moral of the post – Keep. Going.)
SIGNED, sealed, delivered….
I’m yours! That’s what I essentially said to Stephanie Kip Rostan of the Levine Greenberg Rostan Agency when I sent in my literary agency agreement. Yes, I mean what you think I mean – I signed with a literary agent today!
Let me back up.
In late August, I received an email from Shelby, Stephanie’s assistant, who told me that she and Stephanie were both reading and LOVING (I’m not taking any creative liberty here, she actually used all caps) my book. She asked me to keep her posted if the availability changes, and that they would try to get back to me in the next week or so.
So naturally, I cried.
I’ve been querying my book, Less to Carry, for quite some time now. I started pitching it an a conference in July of 2014, and besides the two or three times I had to take a break for major revisions I was sending queries, requested partials and fulls that whole time. Before this book, I queried my first book, The Road Unraveled for two years before shelving it.
So yeah, I was NOT used to hearing that anyone loved my book except for my mother, my boyfriend, and my closest friends. Just hearing that actual professionals in my desired industry were loving my words was this huge, important moment in my life. I also knew, instinctively, that an offer was coming. In my head, I adjusted the “week or so” to two weeks, as I know that the industry rarely moves as quickly as you think it will and current clients always take priority.
I tried to put it out of my mind, but I was floating. Nine days after I got the email, I got engaged. That helped distract me. In fact, it bought me an extra week (so three weeks since the original email) before I followed up with Shelby. She told me Stephanie was getting caught up with some stuff but was still reading my manuscript. A month later, I hadn’t heard back. I followed up again and got a similar response. I waited two months through the holidays this time, knowing that most agencies (and the entire literary world, from what I’ve gathered), shuts down at this time.
As most writers who have crawled through the querying trenches can understand, after you get rejected so many times (So. Many. Times.) you develop a pretty negative self-narrative. You come to expect rejection. And more than not wanting to be a pest during the holiday season, I didn’t follow up because I wanted to delay the rejection. I wanted to hold onto that glimmer of hope.
Nevertheless, the shine had dulled. I prepared myself for the day I would check my inbox and get an email like “Hey, sorry, we meant to send that original mail to someone else. Your book was meh,” or “Sorry we jumped the gun on that email, we read the ending and it completely ruined the book for us. And there’s no way you can fix it. It’s just too terrible.”
As much as I tried to think positively, I couldn’t imagine the situation turning out any differently for me. Having only ever been rejected, I slowly started to believe all the negative voices in my head, that this would be another disappointment, in fact the largest one I’d experienced because I had been so close. I busied myself finishing the first draft of my next project, but I had to do a little soul searching: was this the right path for me? It inspired this post, about deciding to just going to keep right on going, to keep on climbing that tree no matter what obstacles I encountered.
So after the New Year, I decided to bite the bullet and follow up with Shelby. And again a few weeks later. I came thisclose to adding a more professional version of “If she’s going to reject me, can we just get it over with?” But I refrained. I didn’t want to screw up the juju. But I braced myself. If I was going to get rejected, it would be okay. I still had a few agents left to query, and if God forbid, I had to give up on this manuscript, I had another one in the hopper ready to work on. It would break my heart, but I had done it before, and I would keep doing it until I got it right.
A week after my last follow-up, as my (now) fiance and I were driving down to the tasting at our wedding venue, I got an email from Stephanie herself. She said A.MAZE.ING. things about my book and told me she was very interested in representing it. She asked to set up a time Monday for us to talk on the phone.
And I cried again. Big, fat, happy crocodile tears.
I couldn’t even read the email to my fiance for several minutes I was so blubbery. I was shocked. Speechless. I would have an agent. This was happening. To me. This happened almost three weeks ago; I’ve since spoken with her and a few of her clients, told all the people closest to me, and signed an actual agreement, and I still can’t believe it. The amount of times I’ve done a crazy little happy dance in a bathroom stall or in my office while I thought no one was looking is countless.
Now I know this is just the first step. The road ahead of me is still going to be hard. I still face more revisions, rejection from publishers, and harsh reality checks. It’s going to be hard. I know only enough to be a little scared of not knowing how hard it’s going to be, if that makes any sense. There are no guarantees in life, and certainly not in this business. I’m not quitting my day job or burning any bridges. But it’s a step. An honest to God step, and if I hadn’t kept going, kept pursuing, kept writing even on the days when I honestly couldn’t see the point, I never would have gotten here.
Last Sunday I was walking my dog through the woods when a tree caught my eye. I’m not sure why this particular tree caught my eye that morning of all mornings. I’ve walked the same wooded trail almost every Sunday since we moved into our house three years ago and I’d never noticed it before. But this time, for whatever reason, my eyes picked out a tree with a vine growing up its trunk all the way to the tippy top of the tree, at least twenty feet into the air. I’d never seen anything like it before. It literally stopped me in my tracks.
“Wow,” I said aloud. Because of how magical and interesting it looked yes, but more because I was struck by how long it must have taken for that vine to wrap itself around and around and around until it reached its highest height. The persistence it must have taken.
Lately I’ve been wondering about this path I’m on, this journey to becoming a published writer. It’s not for the faint of heart, friends. I’ve been wondering if this is truly what I’m meant to be doing, if perhaps I should be pursuing other career paths that I don’t have time to pursue because of my singular focus on the writing of novels that only a handful of friends and writer colleagues have read. This contemplation, of course, comes on the heels of a few rejections and the anticipation of more. It doesn’t get easier hearing that someone doesn’t feel as passionate about your work as you do. It just doesn’t.
I’m not a religious person, but I do believe there are bigger forces at work in our lives. I would not presume to know the rules and processes of said forces, but I figured asking them for what I need can’t hurt. So I asked. Not for an agent, or a six-figure advance, or even some groundbreaking idea for my next book. I admit, I have asked for these things in the past. But this time I asked (very politely, as one thing I’m learning from Ms. Elizabeth Gilbert in her book Big Magic is that you must be very polite when communicating with cosmic forces) for a sign. A definitive sign to answer my question.
Should I be doing this, or should I let go of this dream?
It hit me when I looked at this vine, entwined so intricately around the tree’s trunk. That vine took months or maybe even years, chipping away at the space left to cover millimeter by millimeter. It can’t have been easy. It had gravity working against it, there must have been some cold and rainy days. But, being a vine, it never stopped. It doesn’t have the capacity to take a day off from its slow climb. It just kept moving, onward an upward, without any regard for the fact that as many people pass by it very few would stop to notice it. It expended all its effort with reckless abandon into growing and reaching and climbing until it fulfilled its ultimate purpose.
Like the vine, I don’t have a choice. I could no sooner give up on writing than the vine could give up its pursuit of the top of tree. It’s been years since I’ve taken more than a week off from writing. Not because I come delightfully to my keyboard each day. In fact, every time I sit down to write I suddenly think of fourteen other things I could be doing that don’t involve the sheer terror that awakens when I sit down to a blank page. It’s because, much like exercising, it simply must be done. Because if I don’t I’ll go (not so) quietly mad. And because it feels so good when I’m done.
I could choose to stop pursuing publishing, true. I could keep my literary babies safely tucked into their bassinets rather than exposing them to a world of rejection. But I can’t stop making those literary babies. Like the vine, I don’t have a choice. I write or I go insane. I climb or I die.
This was my sign.
One could argue that I read way too much into a little insignificant vine, that I was seeing what I wanted to see. But really, what is a sign if not something that shows you what’s already in your heart?
Back to the book now.
All the writers in the world are about to collectively balk at this statement, but I’m going to say it anyway:
I’ve come to really enjoy the editing process.
Let me clarify that:
Once I know what edits I’m going to make, I really enjoy the editing process.
The worst part about editing (or about starting a book, or starting anything new, really), is not having a clue what you’re doing or if/when you’re going to start feeling like you know what you’re doing. For some people, this part is thrilling. For me, it’s torture, but I was the kid throwing up on the first day of class every year up to seventh grade (maybe college) because I was so overwhelmed by the change in routine. I have a hard time with the beginning of things.
The great thing about editing (once you know the edits you need to make), is you already have material right at your fingertips. No more scratching your head to figure out how the book should end. You already know that. No more wondering who your characters are at their core – you (should) already know that too, although perhaps one of your revisions is you need to communicate it a little more effectively in your next draft. It’s all there in front of you, just waiting to be marked up with a red pen!
And the best part is, with each stroke of the delete key, you are actively improving upon your manuscript. That’s a very satisfying feeling.
I’ve developed a system for editing that helps me feel a little less overwhelmed by the process:
1) Once I’ve typed the words “The End,” (which I don’t actually do, but you know what I mean), I walk away from it. For at least two weeks. I can start on a new project or a short story just to keep my writing muscles from lapsing, but I can’t do anything with that finished draft for two weeks. I need to cleanse my palette in order to come back to it with fresh eyes.
2) I make a list of things I think might be problematic. After two weeks, you’ll think of some. Trust. I’ve learned while writing a draft to make a spreadsheet with each chapter having its own line. I keep track of word count and pages as well as major happenings in the story. This is a HUGE HELP in editing. It helps you recognize plot holes, extraneous chapters, and remembering all the little details that will need to be incorporated somewhere else if you decide to remove/change a chapter. When it’s time to start editing, I go right to this spreadsheet and add the column “Edits” and then insert where I think the problems might be and how to fix it. Now you basically have a roadmap to editing, and all you have to do is go through and do it!
3) Each new draft I do actually goes through TWO read throughs. The first is electronic. I literally open the document and start reading it, line by line, cleaning up crappy sentences and moving around backstory so I can bleed it in rather than flooding my reader with it. I also have my above referenced spreadsheet open so I can keep in mind more major edits I need to make.
4) After my computer revisions, I print it out and bind it. I wait at least one week (again, cleanse the palette and come back with fresh eyes). Then I read it with my trusty red pen. No matter how many times you electronically edit your book, you will catch so much with that red pen it’s almost embarrassing. This also helps you put yourself in your reader’s shoes–although not totally, because you know things your reader doesn’t know and it can be hard to “forget” them–because you’re actually holding the book in your hands.
5) Make the edits I red-penned in the hard copy.
So that’s how I edit. It’s intense, but having a system (even if it’s drastically different from mine) really helps! The above process doesn’t mention feedback from others, which is intentional. I always do a second draft BEFORE I send out to beta readers. Reason being, not even my worst enemy deserves to have to slog through my crappy first draft. The third draft is when I basically repeat this process but using the feedback I’ve collected from others. See here to read more about receiving critique.